The blog had to take a back seat for a while.
Not that I didn't need to say things, get things off my chest or share. I just couldn't make this a priority. For a while, the only priority has been one day at a time.
Now, that said... it's still one day at a time and there are a lot of monsters under my bed at the moment. But, in learning to accept those monsters and deal with them, I've also realized, the intention of this blog was to share things with those who cared to read them.
We "we being a collective unit of spoonies" just recently lost a light of ours, a pillar of strength and encouragement to those of us who suffer from chronic and invisible illnesses. That loss was felt worldwide, in a community of support and encouragement.
I feel this loss deeply and keenly. The incredible woman that we lost, was only 22 and it was sudden, with no warning or expectation, no chance for reflection. I would say no chance for preparations, but, when are we ever actually prepared.
It did bring about the poignant realization, that time is fleeting and the moment to share, to love and to laugh comes and goes to quickly.
I think this has helped me to realize, that today is the day to share. The day to say what should be said, needs to be said and accept what will come.
These things said, I would turn this entry into a wandering tour through a couple of months of hell, left to my own devices. That... would be better targeted into smaller sections and under separate posts. I've learned a lot recently, accepted even more and embraced a lot of faults and fallacies in the last few months.
I think these things bear reflection and sharing.
That, that should come soon.
For tonight, I'll accept reflecting on how quickly life can pass, how fleeting it can be.
We accept a lot of things in our lives of chronic illness, things that might be a big deal to others, can be come commonplace and everyday for us. Sometimes, we don't look at the serious and devastating as such, because we live with it every day.
I don't know that the loss of such a beautiful soul, will change that for us. Because if it did, every day would be panic. And we can not live like that.
However, the loss of a 22 year old woman, just starting to live her life, will and should remind us all, to appreciate each and every day, each and every moment, each and every friend, family member, loved one...
Looking through the thoughts and sentiments shared, among so many who knew her, reminds me to take a moment to say "I love you" to those that matter. To turn a blind eye to those who don't. Because, to waste a moment granted to us on resentment, hatred, jealousy or bitterness, is to waste a moment of time, never to be brought back.
I like to think, the most valuable lesson that I will take from Alexa's passing is this...
To appreciate each moment, each breath, each heartbeat. To let go of the pain, the sorrow and the frustration of what we face and EMBRACE the day we are given.
